In Another Word
by landsake
Summary: The cause was simple: they lost her. The reaction was simple: they want her back. The result: anything but expected. A mission gone wrong ends with Sakura captured, and Naruto is willing to do anything to save her, even go against the Leaf.


In Another Word

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

A/N: AU, sort of. Little to no dialogue at first, so give it a chance despite that. This is the Prologue, after all. Written in the present tense, I'll try to get out of that.

Also, please review, tell me how I'm doing, what you think's going to happen, and what you want to happen. I'm aiming for around five reviews, though I'm not sure if it'll happen. I welcome Constructive Criticism too.

Finally, as I said before, this is the prologue. Everything really starts next chapter. May or may not have romance in this story; I'll get back to you on that later. As for now, just strong friendship. Yep, that's about it, I think.

Enjoy!

* * *

_The slash of the kunai, the small swishing of the shuriken. And it was all followed by a graceful arc of red amidst the green of the trees._

Naruto opens his eyes.

Daylight streams through his window, and he wonders just how he made it this long. Because the last time he woke up, was over four hours ago and he assumes that that is progress.

He gets ready for the day, and it all seems so superficial and dull. Life is so short, he can't believe that people take time to care about how they look, or to sit around and be lazy when they could be doing something; living.

So his breakfast is stale and his milk is old and he couldn't care less about it.

He goes to train. He can't confront his team now. What's left of it, anyway. He's making progress, but not nearly enough. So his training is alone, and he still doesn't care. He throws kunai, uses jutsu, does flips and kicks and punches, and nearly works his body to complete exhaustion.

And he doesn't even notice.

Kakashi comes around lunchtime. Naruto can't tell what the opinion the Jounin has about him today. Naruto assumes that Kakashi has just gotten used to it, as he himself has. The older ninja brings lunch, knowing that Naruto wouldn't eat without something there to force him. He's probably right, but Naruto gives no sign of whether or not.

Naruto nods and eats, silently. Kakashi knows that this was unusual for Naruto, and though he knows that this is no longer unusual for the boy, it doesn't make it seem any less odd and strange.

So he talks instead. Because if the normal world turned into an alien one with opposites, then he could at least complete it by going way out of character himself. Because he was, first and foremost, the team leader, and he was supposed to do things like this for his team.

He talks and talks and talks, and though he knows Naruto isn't registering a word he is saying, and he knows that all Naruto really wants to be alone, he feels as if it was a good thing, maybe causing each other to open up a bit, or maybe letting Naruto know he doesn't have to face this alone. He supposes it's working, though no one can be sure of anything anymore.

He teaches Naruto a new jutsu before he leaves, or he shows Naruto the hand signs, what the jutsu does, and an overview of how much physical and how much spiritual energy to put in it. He walks away, but not before creating a couple shadow clones to keep an eye on Naruto.

Naruto either doesn't notice or pretends not to.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

The jutsu Kakashi gave him is surprisingly hard to learn, even for a fast learner like Naruto. He attributes to the fact that his chakra control is subpar, and dedicates the next few hours to exercises, including walking and water, tree climbing, and everything else he could think of that any sensei, jounin, or fellow student has dropped hints about learning.

Occasionally, a Kakashi clone will poof out of existence, just to show its creator what Naruto is doing. Kakashi can't say that he isn't proud of Naruto, he just wishes the circumstances were different.

Finally, Naruto can't go on using chakra, and passes out, conveniently while he's on the river. A Kakashi clone sees this and pulls him out, before taking out the supplies that Kakashi himself had left on the site, which included a blanket.

He doesn't tuck the boy in; he just lays the blanket next to him. Naruto probably won't even need it; no doubt a nightmare will occur before it even gets dark. Kakashi figures he still owes it to Naruto to stick around, but far enough to not see the boy in a troubled state. He owes that to Naruto too.

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It takes Naruto an hour to wake up. When he does, there is still no emotion on his face, but someone trained to interpret body language as Kakashi was can tell the anger, the hatred, the sadness, and even the fear that Naruto is hiding. But he doesn't do anything, he can't. Because that would make it worse.

Naruto won't let anyone else in. Only Kakashi, and just barely. Over the weeks, he has gotten better, talking to a friend, smiling at a stranger, teaching his young friends. But he won't let them into his life, because when he's walking in the streets, it isn't his life. It's just a part of him off to a side. Because Naruto lives in his dreams, and when he isn't dreaming, but awake, he's giving the dreams satisfaction and constantly reflecting on them.

Naruto stays out all night, taking advantage of the insomnia and the short amount of sleep he got to train. When he was too exhausted to continue, he would use the blanket Kakashi left and fall asleep. He prays that he's too tired to dream, but if anything, the dreams are more vivid, the blood more clear.

It takes him two days of chakra control and three more days to master the jutsu Kakashi gave him. A total of five days. A new record.

Some part of Kakashi is with him all five of those days. Maybe it's the fact that he abandoned Obito, maybe it's the fact that he realizes he has to be there for Naruto or all the speeches on teamwork he gave was useless, and maybe it's a sort of atonement.

Kakashi knew that whatever it was, it wouldn't be right until this was settled. That was longer than it should have been.

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_They were standing in a town. She smiles at him, and he can see the fear and anticipation in her eyes, but maybe no one else can. She grabs him and they walk around the town, looking like any happy tourist couple, when in reality, they are anything but._

He didn't remember falling asleep, but obviously he did. The dream last night, it wasn't like most of the dreams, it was the more treasured moments that he had shared on the mission. It was the one that when he woke up, he was not covered in sweat, he was filled with regret and longing and any other pain filled emotion he could think of.

He didn't even remember going to his house, but obviously he did. He ransacks his mind and remembers tiredly walking to his house. He hadn't been home for days, relying on Kakashi to bring him food and sleeping outside.

He feels like his house was a dream, but he doesn't care. Because today, his breakfast has more taste than it had before, and he wonders if it's from a combination of hunger or if he's starting to get over what had happened.

He can't stand the second option because he can get better, but the second meals taste right again, he knows it he'll have stopped caring and to him, that is unacceptable. So he goes out and trains until his chakra is completely run out.

Lucky for him, Kakashi's atonement is still in full swing and he makes sure Naruto doesn't kill himself.

The exhaustion has caught up with Naruto, and by now he's so tired he can't help but sleep, trapped in a nightmare. By the time he wakes up in the morning, he feels something he hasn't felt for a long time: aware and not tired.

He almost smiles, because he feels great, but then he remembers why he hasn't felt this well in awhile, and that wipes the nonexistent smile right off of his face.

He practices the Rasengan. Forming it in one hand has always been a challenge for him, so he works on that. He spends the rest of the day on it, again depleting his chakra supply. As he feels the exhaustion creeping upon him again, he runs to the store and buys soldier pills. They keep him awake until he feels satisfied for now.

He won't ever be truly satisfied because he won't ever have been strong enough that day. And without training, how will he know if he's strong enough for the next day? Being fully prepared is what he needs, and so that is what he does.

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Kakashi tells him that he needs to stop. He also says a bunch of other things, about how you can't let guilt consume you, you can fight it off, and it's still there, but it doesn't take control of your life. He says things about the ones Naruto loves, that he should be there for them.

Naruto looks at Kakashi. "It's been over a month."

That's all that he needs to say, and Kakashi closes his eye and sighs. It was then that Naruto realizes that Kakashi may blame himself. But while that might have mattered earlier, it didn't matter now.

Kakashi walks away, but not before making a clone. He doesn't try to hide it from Naruto, because Naruto already knew about them, or at least he hopefully had.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Naruto keeps practicing the Rasengan, no matter what his Sensei says. He had to get stronger, and the only way to do that was to practice until he drops. He's known that, he's always known that. Whether it was in the Land of the Waves with the trees or summoning the frog and staying on, he only accomplished these tasks by putting his entire mind to the task and not stopping for a second.

He watches the color of his chakra (his own, not the fox's- never the fox's) swirl around him, forming complicated patterns and spirals, like a chakra whirlpool. It's hypnotizing. So instead of taking it out on the nearest tree, he holds it in his right hand and stares. His left hand reaches out and physically touches the swirls. "Uzamaki," he says to himself and then he laughs.

Even when he stops, he's still smiling. He realizes he's tired and he goes home, for once. As soon as he hits the bed, he's asleep.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

When Kakashi sees that Naruto isn't in the field, he fears the worst. But a quick scout reveals that the boy is in his own house (where he belongs) and is sleeping peacefully. Kakashi sighs, and thanks fate that the boy seems to be getting better. He watches his student for a few minutes before leaving Naruto to his dreams.

When he gets home, he sees a bit of orange peeking out from underneath a pile of uniforms. He smiles and pulls out the book, one of his favorites, really. Or at least, old favorites. And then he reads.

Maybe it's time they got back to normalcy.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Naruto wakes up and walks over to his fridge. The world seems clearer now. Brighter. The sun is out and he's more awake than he's been in a while, though he's been doing much better with his food. And he slept through the entire night. He's been doing that on a more consistent basis recently, and he doesn't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

He gets his food and takes a bite and swallows quickly, like he usually does. By the time he tastes it, it's already swallowed. He has to fight back the urge to throw up the food, because it tastes absolutely awful.

Sighing, he grabs his coin pouch (the frog seems so silly now, but he still smiles when he picks it up). He puts on some new clothes (how had he not noticed how dirty the other ones have gotten) and puts on his headband. Staring into the mirror, he looks just like himself. Well almost.

He smiles and besides a scar going down his cheek, he can't tell the difference between how he used to be and is now. And the scar should start healing as soon as Naruto stops using up all of his energy training.

He walks outside and takes a different route, not the one to the training grounds. He stops on the corner of the street and looks at all the people, going to and from their normal activities that day. No one pays him any attention.

He walks down the street, and suddenly feels very weary. For weeks, he had shut himself away from all of this. How could he have done that? These were the people he swore to protect. These were the people from his village?

The crowd bustles around, some accidently hitting him in the process. He hears laughter and conversations and screams of delight or anger and takes them all to his hurt.

He catches sight of a familiar stall and walks over to it. He smiles to himself. Ichiraku Ramen. The smell wafts to him, a familiar scent. His stomach rumbles, so taking a deep breath, he walks in.

The old man's eyes scan over him, then he does a double take and smiles at Naruto, motioning to a seat and all but forgetting the current order he was working on.

Naruto smiles back; and maybe feels like a real human for the first time in weeks.

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The old man and Naruto talk for hours. The old man tells him how business has been: fine, but without his favorite customer. Naruto mentions he's been on a mission and has been training enough, but he's glad that he's back and eating ramen and that there's nothing quite like Ichiraku ramen. It still tastes a little weird, but he doesn't say anything.

Throughout the conversation, the man refills Naruto's bowl without him saying anything, keeping the conversation going. When finally Naruto feels like he can't eat anymore, which is so many bowls later, he lost count (he didn't realize how hungry he was) and goes to pay for his bowls, the man shakes his head and says it's on the house. Naruto smiles and walks away, promising to come back soon.

He never breaks a promise. Not if he can help it.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

He stops by the academy on the way to the training fields. Iruka is happy to see him, and Konohamaru and his gang tackle him in a hug when they see him, whether it interrupts their lessons or not. He's glad to see them, and can't believe the difference a few days has made. He talks with them a bit, and after school, shows them a few things he's learned.

They take everything he says with an enthusiasm that for a second, he thinks they they're getting free candy or presents or something. They throw their entire souls into learning and he compares it with how he's been training. But they don't do it for need; they do it because they honestly want to. It's different then what he's used to, but it looks much nicer and he thinks he would like to be like that.

By the time he leaves them, its afternoon and he's been grinning for what seemed like hours.

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"Hey, look who finally decided to show his face around here."

Naruto turns around and sees Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji standing by the entrance to their team's favorite restaurant, something to do with barbeque. Choji and Ino are smiling and waving to him, and Shikamaru is smirking.

He makes a split second decision and walks over to them. They talk a bit; small talk mostly at first, since they haven't talked in such a long time and it's a bit awkward. But they get more used to each other and are trading jokes back in forth in no time.

Naruto knows he's a bit quieter than he used to be, but he's also a lot louder and more social than he had been in a while, so he figures he deserves some credit, at the least.

Shikamaru sighs and looks at the skies. Naruto looks too and realize that it's much later than he had originally thought. They're running out of things to talk about. Well, there was a lot to talk about, but no one wanted to bring it up, not around Naruto, and for that, he was grateful.

Shikamaru takes a step away and yawns. "I'm going to go cloud watching," he says. Naruto can tell that it's his way of inviting all three of them to come along. Ino mentions that she has some things to take care of, as does Choji and the two leave. Shikamaru walks to where he watches clouds without checking to see if Naruto is following him.

So Naruto does.

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He spends the rest of the day cloud watching with Shikamaru.

Cloud watching with Shikamaru is different then cloud watching with anyone else. There are no "that one looks like a shuriken" or "it looks like a baby pig." They sit there in silence and stare at the sky and don't talk.

Yet, Naruto doesn't think either. It's like meditating on nothing and it's an amazing experience. Every now and then, one of them will say something, but it'll be deep and they can contemplate it for a while. Naruto doesn't realize that any time has passed until the sun starts setting. He pulls himself up, as does Shikamaru. They nod and bid each other goodbye and head in opposite directions.

Naruto gets home and looks in the mirror. He didn't train at all today. But he's happier then he's been in more than a month. He doesn't know how he feels about it, so he goes to sleep instead.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_The dream is different then it usually is. He hasn't been here before, he's certain of it. But she's standing there, her hair light in the sun and she looks ethereal. She smiles at him and he forgets everything, like the fact this is impossible and that they haven't truly seen each other in so, so many weeks._

_He feels as if his life is perfect, at least for now it. He loves her. Maybe not in a romantic way, but in a family way and he feels whole again._

_They're in a type of trench, he can see the walls escalating so high up; he can't see the surface. He remembers why he must be here and looks at her._

"_I didn't train today."_

"_That's okay."_

"_But how can I help you if I don't train. I've got to get stronger, that's the only way that I can fix this."_

"_I think you've done enough for now. It's important to take time and actually live for a little bit."_

"_You're not actually living. I don't know how you are and I don't know where you are. But wherever you are, you aren't actually living. Even if you are breathing!"_

_She lays a hand on his cheek. "It's okay. You know its okay. Even if I'm not breathing or if I'm trapped somewhere, I don't need you to be trapped with me too."_

_She looks at him again. "It's okay. I promise. Everything's okay."_

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Naruto opens his eyes. He yawns and looks out the window. It's raining today, but the raindrops sound comforting to him, like the weather understands what he is going through. He walks over the window and breaths on it. The world on the outside appears foggy and he watches, mesmerized, as it shifts back into focus.

"It's okay," he tells himself. "And I'm going to be okay."

He looks at the window one last time before turning around and heads to his stack of scrolls.

"I promise."


End file.
